A Story About A Street, My Imbalances, Frustrations, And Holy Week

April 2, 2010 § 5 Comments

It doesn’t take a lot for frustration to enter the internal Universe of a writer, or an artist.

And it’s so easy to answer why, so I won’t. Rather, my discourse will take on the following things:

  • Squash Drive, a place I will surely miss when I leave
  • the imbalance of catharsis and analysis in my life as a writer, and
  • Holy Week.

Squash Drive has a tiny but interesting history. It was built in order to follow a law which says commercial areas cannot break ground unless they’re X meters away from residential areas. In the case of Squash Drive, commercial areas we’re talking about are Silver City, Tiendesitas, Hypermart, et cetera. The residential areas we’re talking about are the houses in my village, Valle Verde 5. In order to follow that regulation, Squash Drive is the threshold. You can see in my pictures how close the malls are to my life.

On one hand, it’s a positive. I get to exploit the markets in such a remarkably small distance, and go to Starbucks whenever I want to. It’s a great thing, how close these establishments are to me, but it’s not all butterflies and bumblebees. I think they had to extract a good amount of nature to break ground. Now I won’t be all preachy because I think we all know the value of nature and stuff so I’ll cut to the chase – it just saddens me how extremely close the feeling of business is. It’s in front of my face. There’s no room for retreat, for quiet. I feel like I’ve lived in Metro Manila too long. I think I’m too close to the hazards of corporations and how they burn people. It’s been so close to the point that any burn-out story is just another day in the office. That’s really, really sad. Frustration #1: Not Knowing Where To Place Myself.

Squash Drive stands in between my peace and the hustle and bustle of the real world. Every time I pass there, I feel like I’m visiting an old friend. Funny how incidentally, early on at the first quarter of the 21st century, the residents of Valle Verde 5 decided to paint murals on the walls of Squash Drive. The theme was mother nature. Here are some of the photos.

At this moment I’d like to thank Squash Drive for being a friend. It’s a lonely place but it gets me, because it’s always in the middle of things. I’m not gonna go hippie on this. Just saying, I appreciate this place, and I’m gonna miss it when I leave the country.

Now, the imbalance. To be brutally honest with you, my insecurities as a writer and a musician mostly dwell on the fact that people are very, very NR with the stuff that I work on. Because of the lack of assessment with regard to my work, I tend to fuck up. So, I really don’t know why I suck. But, I have a theory. I think the nature of my work is intrinsically complex, meaning it arises from an imbalance of catharsis and analysis; left brain and right brain; art and math. I used to always think that, “Eh, it doesn’t matter, let me be!” But it does. Especially now at this point in my life when I’m starting a career  based on my passions, it matters a lot.

The imbalance is one of the biggest threats in my life. I’m not afraid to confess to people that I have an above-average IQ, but the EQ of a five year-old. It affects so many aspects of my life and I don’t even know where to start, so I’ll jump the gun on this one.  Frustration #2: Dude, You Have To Make Up Your Mind. Soon.

Amidst all of this, let me digress a little. Don’t worry, I’ll try my best to get back to the center. Anyway, I don’t practice Holy Week things because I’m Born Again Christian. It’s not that we don’t believe in Holy Week. As a matter of fact, I personally think that Holy Week is the most romanticized series of days in the Catholic calendar. The Pasyon is a tour-de-force exercise that not only expresses the Church’s loyalty to Jesus Christ, but also its loyalty to Philippine culture; martyrdom, sacrifice, and that L word.

My concern about Holy Week is that every year, it gets less and less intimate. I don’t know if I’m supposed to believe those people crucifying themselves for penitence because tell me: does God really want you to do that to yourself? This year, though, despite the fact that I don’t celebrate Holy Week as a Catholic person would do, God has worked his Holy Week charm on me. Strangely I’ve seen people I’ve known from before in a different light; a more revealing and truthful light, and I couldn’t be more thankful. I think people handle the responsibility to enforce or resist change, and if change is what depresses me, it can also work the other way around through people and being.

In meeting people, I have no frustrations. They’re the bearers of countless stories and which I would be glad to take part of. Sadly I think that it is a sincere but strange vocation. What the hell am I supposed to work for?


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§ 5 Responses to A Story About A Street, My Imbalances, Frustrations, And Holy Week

  • Carina says:

    Love this post, Marb. Let me be the opposite of eloquent and say, “na-feel ko siya.” But seriously, I think you should just let yourself grow and make mistakes and learn. I think you do that enough, actually. (I mean, learn. Haha.) But maybe I just felt like you needed a reminder, some reassurance. Not everything is going to turn out super-good! the first time. I know this, and you know this. The important thing is that we keep moving forward and not dwell on what we think of as failures. 🙂

    Other than that, I really liked this entry. I think you should write and take pictures more often. I know sometimes you think that you’re no good, but I can see that it makes you happy. 🙂

    • mossy nirvana says:

      Thanks, Carina. 🙂 That made me feel so much better, really. I can’t say more because… well, there’s nothing much to say.

      Haha, but yes, I do get what you mean. It’s just so hard these days because I’m (I’m sure you are, too) transitioning into something so much bigger than myself.

      Thank you for taking your time reading this, I really appreciate it 🙂

      P.S. These things do make me happy, writing and taking photos!

  • janet says:

    hey marv! your “squash drive” is really awesome! i can hear you! all your thoughts were nicely written. when you were little, you participated on that painting thingie. i have to say that as a family, we all had fondest memories of our holy week trips there in our homeland. it’s about time to look up and forward to more greater things in store, see you soon!!!

  • Ding says:

    Marv, nice blog! Squash drive also brings me a lot of memories. Keep on blogging and taking pics,

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